Asking YouTube on ways to aquire gold without stealing in Bauldur's Gate 3

YouTube: sure, here's 20 videos about stealing from the merchants

Oh how I have AI search algorithms for being so insanely stupid 😤

A new song voiced by me.

"In the Flood” from Horizon Forbidden West (Original Soundtrack)
Music by Oleksa Lozowchuk

Original version is voiced by Ariana Gillis and can be found here

Made another variant, it's slower than the original version - I usually like calm music

I once again being pressured by my parents for the amount of money they spend on necessary things for me to live life food and meds. And I just want to die when that happens. I don't ove my life to anyone and I'm living because my parents want me to live. It's their initiative to keep me alive and I do what I can but I hate being pressured for my needs to eat and take meds.

If the only thing you hear from your colleagues in the organization for the last couple of months is a post about the organization's closure, then it probably means that I did something wrong... I wish I could understand why everyone in the organization is moving to another team together when they haven't written a word to me... But who can tell me. I hoped that I would be able to somehow communicate with trans people, but it seems that I am incapable of communication in principle. Makes me want to close all social connections I have and lie on the bed until I die. Probably won't happen but why do I even try to speak with people anymore..?

Процес перереєстрації ГО вимагав певних зусиль і часу, якого було обмаль. Усі бюрократичні процеси піддавались саботажу усередині Організації та відбувались критично довго.

Загалом, спроби реанімувати роботу ГО супроводжувались багатьма складнощами, серед яких: відсутність належного фінансування та підтримки, перешкоджання й затягування бюрократичних процесів з боку керівництва та конфлікт цінностей усередині команди Організації.

Результат не змусив себе довго чекати...

Проте, це ще не кінець!

Частина нашої команди продовжує
свою діяльність в новому проєкті

TRANS EMANCIPATION

Was it my multiple health problems that brought that treatment upon me because my productivity is too low and I can do too little..? Have they just decided that it's not worth to even write me a message about what's going on? Is it something else? I can't tell. I was being ghosted for the past few months by everyone in the organization and told not to interfere when I tried to help with the work or volunteer. Them leaving together to form a new group is definitely an indication of at least some communication between all of my ex-colleagues, it's just me being totally left out. I have no idea why no one bothered to even say a word to me about it but I guess it's another indication of me being so horrible in person to person communication that it makes people want to distance from me and ignore me.

Just got some messages from a girl I don't know because of my old account in Zoe. Some regular hi what's your hobby do you mind to talk. And then, as soon as I told her it's hard for me to walk because I have a disability, she instantly deleted the chat history and stopped writing. Like what? I know not everyone enjoy spending time without walking, but can you just say it and at least say goodbye..? I feel like people in this country are especially rude.

Just finished speaking with a surgeon who operated on my leg. He said it's not the metal plates causing the pain and the plates are at the other side of the feet. Maybe something got confused when I was taking an X-ray and asking about the side where the plates are placed.
From what he said I understand the situation as following:

The pain is coming from the little bit of joint movement there's left and is going to stay unless I go for a surgery to completely fixate the up and down movement of the feet.
It probably won't go away even if the plates are removed.
I'll have to live with it unless I go for the surgery, and since it's going to be a rather complicated rehabilitation I don't have mental endurance to do it and not completely abandon everything else in my life.

I'll have to walk with crutches, or something else to support the weight as I won't be able to use my leg after ~50 meters.
In my current physical condition it means that in my best condition after resting I'll be able to cover something like 200 meters before my arms and spine give up from the load.
I can go for the wheelchair, but that means abandoning the hope for walking as it'll only make muscles worse.

There's two ways it can go - either I can somehow improve my condition by walking more often and regain some of the mobility,
Or if the pain is completely unrelated to how often and far I walk I'll have to live with very limited mobility.

I don't want to jump to conclusions yet and will give it more though as well as trying to learn more about if the pain can get better or not.

But if I'd have to accept that my mobility is now 20 times less than it used to be it's honestly will become a rather big reason for suicide. And I already have a bunch of other reasons to contribute to it. So it'll bring the threshold for making a decision for it lower. It's very important whenever it's something permanent I have to live with or it can improve. If it's something permanent, it'll be a very heavy mental burden to carry. If it can be improved noticably then there's some room for hope. For now I perceive it as something permanent that won't go away without surgery.

Honestly I gave up on my life already and only trying to make the best out of the situation by working towards any suffering reduction. So it's a matter of whenever I want to endure the suffering or I don't think it's worth it anymore.

The state of my leg and walking in general never improved throughout my life, only deteriorated.

While watching video about antimatter, I asked myself how would antimatter variant of proton be named. And my brain instantly answered "noobton" 😁

(it's actual name is just antiproton, despite electron counterpart being a positron)

A bunch of drones flying around in my region and I'm super irritated from the need to hide away from windows. Want to just continue playing something at my PC but unfortunately it's close to a window. It's taking quite a bit of willpower to stop gravitating towards dangerous positions in the flat as well. How do I explain to my subconsciousness that despite wanting to die I indeed don't want to just be injured..?

I just found out that out of 4 active players on the GT:NH server I'm playing at 2 are transfem

I guess transfem people gravitate towards GT:NH..?

I just ate a house

I mentioned it a few times before and want to remind again - don't bring any religion to this channel, chat and comments, it's not welcome and I'll remove any religious content. And if someone decide to write religious advices commenting on the life of others I'll straight out ban from the channel.
You can keep it to yourself, I don't mind. But don't bring it in my own life.