What did the Christmas tree ornament turn out like?

https://redd.it/1pn9252
@asexualityonreddit

Ace pride milk carton design by me!

https://redd.it/1pnbph2
@asexualityonreddit

So apparently I might be asexual

I’m 17 and over the summer, at my school’s marching band camp, I met this girl and almost instantly had a crush on her, and it lasted all the way through the marching band season. But during that time I never once had a sexual thought about her. At first I thought that was just normal but recently one of my friends told me that most people think about having sex with a lot of people they find attractive, and I realized that I never had for anyone. Whenever I do think about sex it’s not with a specific person, and when I try to put a real person into those thoughts it almost feels wrong. I’m not against sex but I just don’t have sexual thoughts about people.

https://redd.it/1pne9si
@asexualityonreddit

Asexual "dysphoria"?

Any other asexuals feeling bothered by their sexuality as they're getting older?

Everything was hunky dory in my teens to early twenties but now I'm almost 30 and I'm feeling/noticing my asexuality way more in ways I didn't when I was younger.
All others I know my age are starting families and marrying, not as much time to hang out. Feels like my sexuality's this niche life altering thing most people won't even hear about.

Been in various ace circles for almost a decade at this point. And after a year of opening to chatting/meeting, sometimes dating others through various means I've noticed that I have real hard time relating to other aces. Which doesn't really help the situation. Feels like most of the aces I see/talk to are either too young to relate to, upset at allosexuality or prefer to talk about fictional stuff like fandom, which doesn't intrest as much nowadays. I feel a bit out of place wherever I go.

Tried to talk about this with a therapists but they straight up didn't understand what I was talking about, instead thinking I was infertile or some shit. It's a shot in the dark but can any other "aging" aces relate to this state of dysphoria?

(Maybe I'm just depressed or it's an early midlife crisis idk lol)

https://redd.it/1pnealt
@asexualityonreddit

I'm tired of people sexualizing people/characters that are asexual

Im tired of people sexualizing asexuality. I've known I was ace for years and I still have people trying to tell me that if I haven't done that, how do I know that I don't like it or that I'm too young to know for sure what I do or don't want. It sucks even more when someone is so clearly being so disrespectful towards me and others in the community and when I get upset they say it's not a big deal. I hate when people say that they could change someone who's asexuality, and it sucks when its fictional characters too. It feels like there's not as much representation for the asexuals as other members of the LGBTQ+ community and everytime there is, it feels like it gets ruined by gooners who think that just because they 'aren't real' that it makes it okay somehow. An example would be Mychael from Mushroom Oasis. I related to his character so much by personality but even more so since he's canonically asexual. So, whenever someone sexualizes him or makes gross comments, it makes me feel like crap and that there's so many people that just don't get it. And it'd be the same people who yell at people that turn gay characters straight who tell me I'm overreacting. Maybe I am overreacting but I'm just so tired of people just not understanding that it almost feels on purpose now that these people refuse to educate themselves on what it means. Instead, I get idiots who say that I'm just celibate with a 'Cool Woke Rebrand!!!'


Sorry for wall of text and probably some spelling errors, I just needed to get it off my chest because it makes me so upset that an overwhelming amount of people just don't understand or don't care enough to understand or respect asexuals/asexuality

https://redd.it/1pnm4bf
@asexualityonreddit

Being Trans And Sex Repulsed Is So Much Fun!!!!

I’m so sick of people saying “ooo you’ll find someone someday!” Like I’d rather you just tell me you have no advice for me but that you’re here for me and want to support me.

I am strictly asexual. Never want it ever. No I won’t even do it for my partners sake, it grosses me out that much. And I tell this to EVERY single person who asks me out. Same shit happens “ohh it’s fine I don’t need sex!” Then within weeks they bring it up and ask for it and then play victim when I break things off.

Being trans and dating is hard enough as it is. You don’t know who’s a fuckin chaser and who isn’t. “Just get to know them!!” I talked to a guy for over a year before we started dating and he turned out to be one, how can you possibly expect me to trust anyone after that? I waited a year, I guess the blame is on me for getting to know someone for that long and thinking “well, this seems safe.”

No one I’ve been with has seen me as a man, not even the other trans person I was with. You either have chasers or performative allies who think they’re so sweet by constantly infantilizing you and saying things like “I hate men! But not you, you’re trans!” Do you think I’m dumb? Do you think I can’t tell that you don’t see me as a real man?

I’m also incredibly short and awkward and can’t flirt, my repulsion to sex and the fact that I can’t really be an assertive or flirty person is a huge trigger for my dysphoria, don’t tell me “oh you don’t have to be a certain way!” If I want to be seen as a man, yes I do. I don’t act like a stereotypical man should. I’m not flirty, I can’t be strong and dominant. And I hate it and I hate being told “oh you’re special you should embrace it!” No I just want to be normal because everyone thinks I’m some uwu trans baby boi who’s so shy and meek and sensitive that they just need to walk on eggshells around and coddle. I hate being told how feminine I am, I hate that I’m so emotional and timid because those aren’t traits usually associated with men. They’re traits associated with women. I’m never manly enough no matter how hard I try to change myself.

I’m never a person. I’m never a man. I’m always a trans man. A fetish. An object, the token person people befriend to show others how much of an ally they are. I will never trust anyone again. All people know how to do is bully me, infantilize me, fetishize me, or get with me so I can be a part of their gross fantasies.

https://redd.it/1pnnlby
@asexualityonreddit

US-based & 18+? Participate in research on sexual and romantic needs 🧠

Hey everyone — posting this study with mod approval 🙏

I am part of a team of NYU researchers (led by Dr. Zhana Vrangalova) that is running an IRB-approved, confidential online survey exploring **people’s sexual and romantic needs** and how they shape thriving across different relational lifestyles.

Specifically, we're developing new valid, comprehensive measures of **these needs.** To map out their full spectrum, we need a large and **diverse group of participants** from a wide range of sexual and relational experiences to contribute their perspective. *If you're human and can thoughtfully reflect and report on your sexual and romantic needs, we want your voice in there.*

**Eligibility:**

* 18 or older
* Currently residing in the US
* Fluent in English

Depending on the number of sections you choose to complete, the survey takes between **40-60 minutes** on average (\~**400-700 mostly multiple-choice questions** about how you think and feel when it comes to sex and romance)**.**

There is **no direct compensation** for participating, but many report **benefits from the reflections** it offers.

If you’d like, you can also enter a **raffle for one of 150 × $20 Amazon gift cards** (awarded after the survey closes).

👉[ **TAKE THE SURVEY HERE** ](https://nyu.qualtrics.com/jfe/form/SV_7OphTMSQeQVjjWS)

(*Can be completed in multiple sessions.)*

**Deadline** to complete: **December 31**, **2025**.

*Know others who might be interested in helping with this research project?* ***Please share the survey info and link*** *with them!*

Any questions or feedback, comment here or email Dr. Zhana directly at [email protected].

Thank you for helping advance relationship science ❤️


https://redd.it/1pngk5u
@asexualityonreddit

Dating as asexual makes me feel like an alien

I know dating when you’re part of any sexual minority can be super challenging, but I feel like as asexual it’s just… even more difficult. So many people even from other minorities view sex as such a fundamental part of romantic relationships they simply can’t fathom going celibate – which I completely respect, but it does make me feel a bit hopeless. I'm sex averse, heteroromantic and monogamous, which does feel like a pretty unlucky combo.

I keep seeing comments like “you should date another asexual, or find a low-libido allo who doesn’t care about sex!” And I always chuckle at those comments because, yes, in theory that’s exactly what I should do. But in practice that’s near impossible. I’ve been trying, trust me! But the dating pool is so tiny it’s barely there, and I live in a small country with no asexual community on top of that. I honestly feel like an alien whenever I try to date.

I’m about to turn 28, I’ve been active on dating apps and ace dating sites since I was 20. The few asexual men I’ve talked to have been half the world away and we’ve had nothing in common anyway. And out of all the allo men… well, none have been fine going celibate. I’ve gone on ONE date in my entire life. I’ve been asked out a couple of times by irl friends, but when I’ve mentioned my asexuality they back away immediately.

The thought of growing old alone without ever finding a partner is honestly heartbreaking to me. I am a very romantic person and I have so much love to give. Yes, friends and family are great but they just don’t fill that specific hole.

I’m always very clear about my sexuality and my boundaries, and I know I never have to have sex if I don’t want to. But I just feel like that’s costing me the possibility of finding a partner.

Anyway, rant over I suppose. Just felt like venting, if anyone can relate or vent together I'm always here lol

https://redd.it/1pnpjap
@asexualityonreddit

As a man, I got tired of making friends with women out of ulterior motives from when i was a teenager and instead decided to deconstruct amatonormativity as well as heteronormativity

It's such a blessing

i don't have to deal with the pressure and anxiety of "will they" or "won't they" anymore

i don't have to deal with self-pity or process my emotional pain as hatred against others like i used to

i can instead just accept people for who they are. No matter the circumstances

My connections have been deep and meaningful in the past couple years because of this

I understand split attraction. I understand amatonormativity. i understand heteronormativity

And my perspective of life have been altered entirely in ways that wouldn't be the case otherwise

https://redd.it/1pnvw02
@asexualityonreddit

TV shows using the word "asexual" as an insult or some kind of a derogatory word, in 2025.

https://redd.it/1pnxd7a
@asexualityonreddit

I have been assuming I’m asexual since age 12 but people are hard on me in college

I (18M) believe I am asexual, at least quite asexual leaning on that spectrum. I am a first year college student, meaning all my friends are obsessive over the obvious. They tell me I am missing out on so much - but I feel it’s a waste of time. I don’t get warm feelings when I see someone deemed attractive to general public, so I don’t need to waste my time on chasing what others do, yet I’m not sure if I’m truly asexual or not. I know sexuality is a spectrum but I really wish it was a lot more simple. Is there like a list of questions I could go through to figure out if I am asexual or not? I have no idea really, just also want others to understand that I don’t chase the same things they do?

https://redd.it/1pny17u
@asexualityonreddit

My libido dropped at 16. It now has completely died. I still don't know if I'm ace

I'm 22F and am so cooked. Since 16 I've been on and off and I really need some idea of what I am.

I was lesbian first as a kid, then it started changing with puberty and I started liking guys as well. I was super horny as a younger teenager but around 16, I felt a major personality shift and my interests changed. What I didn't know was that I also lost any and possibly all interest in people I see in real life. I harbored crushes here and there for celebrities. yadda yadda. I read erotica here and there and that was nice and all but any sexual contact I've attempted ended in me getting severely upset.

There are small moments where I'll think I like someone but it never crosses my mind to ever touch them like that. It grosses me out and feels disrespectful ngl. At the same time, I still read erotica (???) but don't really feel like I read it in the way others watch porn to get off. I don't know what the hell to call this. But I also feel disgusting if others show any attraction to me.

I also can't help but see sex as time-wasting, unproductive, inefficient, and a lazy thing to do. Sometimes it almost feels like a crime. I just feel like a hypocrite as I'll also read erotica. I didn't even realize that I barely felt any attraction recently until I got a short burst of libido and excitement, then that ended quickly in disgust/shame. My friends say I'm not asexual, but then what the hell is this?

https://redd.it/1pnyfu5
@asexualityonreddit

national geographic

i think sex is great. in concept.

i dont mind talking about it, i know a ton of facts (about everything not just sex but im pretty open)


i think its funny as hell - i sound like a middle school boy with the kinds of jokes i make (always with well-known people i wouldnt want anyone to be uncomfortable)



almost every show ive watched me and my friends would be the "hottest one". ive had a fantasy crushes on tv and anime characters.


ive had sexual fantasies, and dreams. i masturbate often and occasionally consume erotica.



but i dont really like to be touched. sex makes me kinda nervous and blank and the only way i cant meaningfully participate its by turning into an episode of national geographic



like i can hear David Attenborough explaining everyone's action.


"here we can see a fine example of human socializing as this young strong male as attracted two females. "

...


it was my first time and a threesome

i was 19 and feeling being left behind and went of a journey to lose my virginity with a friend of mine.

i was curious and feeling out of sync with the people i knew.

after, i was rather disappointed: it wasn't the mind-blowing, life altering moment i thought it would be.

ive known people who ruined their lives, cheating on their partners, screwing managers choosing boyfriends over their children. and i always assumed that sex was just .... AMAZING!! that it had a magical life ruining potential. and that once i had it i would finally understand and it just wasn't worth all that.




i was explaining this to a friend that : i think sex is a great concept, very funny, very important to society as a whole, that i understand that it feel good but that id never really wanted to participate,

and that when i do i feel like im reading off a list in my head, like im far away from my body watching the whole situation - narrating it like its an episode of national geographic.


they suggested i might be a variant of asexual.

i really dont mind having sex if it makes other people happy but i don't really like being touched in general, and sex is never my goal or endline. i honestly try to avoid as much as i can - its a big reason i dont have a s.o.

i get aroused. i have sexual fantasies and think people are attractive but i dont want them, its just like a fact. but i would rather touch myself then have sex with another person


i do like making people happy and i like knowing that people find me attractive


i dont even know why im writing this. just not sure what it all means. its a complex label for a complex identity.

if i am asexual is there a way to make me better at experiencing sex. i dont want to be left out.

https://redd.it/1pnzog0
@asexualityonreddit

Help me figure this out

I identify as heteromantic asexual. I went on antidepressants at 17, but I don't ever recall being sexually interested in anyone before then either.

I struggle very much with dating. I haven't since high school. My friends tell me I have the looks and charisma. They are confused when I tell them how much I struggle with it. I feel like I have every other box in my life checked off. I have a functional life where I am content. I am pursuing a degree. I am good at talking to people and have a lot of friends and intimate emotional bonds. I have more hobbies than fingers. I just can't find anybody to get into a realistic, sustainable relationship with.


I have a friend who I have over sometimes to hang out at my apartment. I suspect they are interested in me romantically, and I am, honestly, interested in them too, but they aren't asexual so I have to shut it down before it starts. We just aren't compatible. It makes me very sad. The last time he was over, I had a little ace flag out prominently that I know he saw. They said they were hoping to come over again. I'm scared that they will want to start a relationship with me but we will be sexually incompatible and it will end in six months. I turn down everyone who hits on me because of this or just because I'm not interested. I might also be on the aromantic spectrum. I don't tend to be romantically attracted to people I've just met. Who the hell knows.


I am also generally neutral-averse to touch, even platonically. Sex feels unthinkable and frankly horrifying. I have no interest in sexual nudity or genetalia, let alone contact with any of it. It is not what I want my body to be involved in. I don't think I'd be able to force it do not plan on doing so. Being in a relationship where my partner is hooking up extraneously doesn't feel good either.

The point of a relationship is to be reciprocal, but I can't give. I know there isn't really much to be done here, but I need a shoulder to lean on. I need to feel like I'm not alone in this. I fear this is contributing to me being emotionally "blocked up".

https://redd.it/1po4h2p
@asexualityonreddit