old AT, made on 10.12.24.

I'm devastated and barely holding on
I lost Behemoth yesterday
just wanted to let you know I may be less active in the next few days

I wanted to have such a cat since high school because of book reference and my love to cats, especially black ones, because they're like me
seen as unlucky, while they're like any other cats who need love and care
I was waiting to get him for months before I finally moved to a new apartment
he was my motivation to get up, to feed him, to take care of him, to play with him
he was a really active and curious kitten, silly lil baby always wanting to get attention from people around him, purring a lot, showing how comfortable he feels near me and my parents when he stayed with them for a while
like a light in my shitty daily life that kept me smiling
my first "own" pet

it was just 2 months
but I was never so attached to a pet before
I only had outdoor cats when I was living with parents, I've never seen what happened to them, they... just went somewhere and never got back, like it often happens in villages where pets basically do what they want
it's very different from what I experienced yesterday and through the last few days

he suddenly started to feel weak, sleeping a lot, refusing to eat, even had problems going to his litter box or reacting to anything
we went to the vet 2 times, they took care of him, made tests, gave him drips and were trying to keep him alive till they were sure it was... too bad already
he had bad anemia, peritoneum inflammation, all because of some kind of stupid ticks and possibly coronavirus that mutated in his body
it's possible that he got this even before being found by my friend, but even the vet said it's quite rare for animals to develop such a bad state in just a week, when earlier everything was fine
but some diseases develop quietly, like a cancer and hit when it's really bad already

more details and some of his last photos in comments, TW for sensitive people

I'm going to draw something related to that experience
I'm going to get a tattoo of his paw and name
I... need to vent more and simply honor his existence in my life, hoping it'll help me deal with all of this

i usually don't post my tattoos here, but this one is special
very spontaneous one, I was in Warsaw on Thursday to deal with other things, so I thought I'd ask if Ver has time https://www.instagram.com/wilczypokot
this is already the 4th tattoo from her, very comfy person with a similar vibe to me, I like coming back to her
fortunately I had the graphic saved in another conversation, designed when Behemoth was still with me

his paw and name in Hebrew (it comes from that language)
Ver asked about the inspiration and I couldn't hide my emotions, I almost cried again while telling the story
she hugged me and said she'd be happy to support me, because she had a similar situation with her ferret, so she understands

so... yeah
I did it faster than I expected, but it makes me feel a little better
although I still don't know how I'm going to deal with it, I'm grateful to everyone who reacted and supported me

(+ more in comment, cuz text limits)

not sure about the halo tho
cuz he demon
but i want to make it obvious he's more like... a ghost